Quotes By Steven Wright
Curiosity killed the cat, but for a while I was a suspect.
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Everywhere is walking distance if you have the time.
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I have an existential map. It has 'You are here' written all over it.
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I was walking down the street wearing glasses when the prescription ran out.
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It doesn't make a difference what temperature a room is, it's always room temperature.
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It's a small world, but I wouldn't want to paint it.
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Last night somebody broke into my apartment and replaced everything with exact duplicates... When I pointed it out to my roommate, he said, 'Do I know you?'
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Last year I went fishing with Salvador Dali. He was using a dotted line. He caught every other fish.
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What's another word for Thesaurus?
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When I woke up this morning my girlfriend asked me, 'Did you sleep good?' I said 'No, I made a few mistakes.'
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You can't have everything. Where would you put it?
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A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths.
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Babies don't need a vacation, but I still see them at the beach... it pisses me off! I'll go over to a little baby and say 'What are you doing here? You haven't worked a day in your life!'
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Cross country skiing is great if you live in a small country.
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