Quotes by Johnny Carson

Democracy means that anyone can grow up to be president, and anyone who doesn't grow up can be vice president.

For three days after death hair and fingernails continue to grow but phone calls taper off.

I was so naive as a kid I used to sneak behind the barn and do nothing.

If it weren't for Philo T. Farnsworth, inventor of television, we'd still be eating frozen radio dinners.

If life was fair, Elvis would be alive and all the impersonators would be dead.

Nancy Reagan fell down and broke her hair.

Never continue in a job you don't enjoy. If you're happy in what you're doing, you'll like yourself, you'll have inner peace. And if you have that, along with physical health, you will have had more success than you could possibly have imagined.